As a Strengths-based therapist, I often take the view that there is always something behind a behaviour. It may be trauma, mental illness, something that has happened recently, or simply a particularly difficult day.
At the same time, I recognise that strong emotions can sometimes lead to reactions that are harmful to ourselves or the people around us. We may see this in situations such as road rage, disagreements that quickly escalate, or when someone becomes verbally aggressive towards a retail assistant, hospitality worker or health professional.
Recognising the Signs of Emotional Intensity
When I work with clients around emotional intensity, one of the first things I encourage them to do is notice where they experience an emotion in their body.
For some people, anger or frustration might be felt in their chest or stomach. For others, they may notice tension in their face or other changes in their body.
Learning to recognise these physical signs can give you an opportunity to pause before you react.
You might simply acknowledge what is happening by saying to yourself, “I am beginning to feel angry.”
This doesn’t mean judging yourself for having the emotion. Something has triggered it, and understanding what is happening is an important part of the work we can explore together in counselling.
Give Yourself Time to Pause
When you notice your emotional intensity rising, it can be helpful to avoid continuing to feed into the emotion.
Distraction can be useful in the moment. If we continue thinking about the situation while we are experiencing strong emotions, we may be more likely to act on those feelings rather than respond to what is happening.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is give yourself some space and allow the intensity to settle before addressing the situation.
Understanding What Is Behind the Reaction
Once you have had time to recover from the emotion, you may be able to look at what happened with greater understanding.
In counselling, we can explore what contributed to the escalation in a safe and supportive space. Sometimes something from your past may be connected to the way you respond in the present. At other times, a more recent experience may have contributed.
Understanding yourself better can help you develop strategies for managing emotional intensity and responding differently in the future.
There are rarely good results when we react to a situation from a place of anger rather than having the opportunity to pause and respond. Learning to recognise emotional intensity early can be an important first step towards responding in a way that supports you and the people around you.